Posts Tagged ‘Alaska’

LOLLLLL hold on. Wait. I don’t know why the font is so small… thank Oprah for zoom. Before you form an angry mob and start running towards my house with flaming torches, pitchforks, and rakes (lolz), I would like to plead my case. There is a reason why I haven’t written anything in about six thousand years… and it’s not because I’ve been consumed in the World Cup (I hate sports, men, and large crowds in general – so you know I’m not lying), or that I’ve been ‘giving back to my community’ or whatever the shit that is…

There is this thing called ‘work’, and after discovering it this past month, I do have my qualms. Despite the cozy atmosphere, and the fact that I have the coolest starters internship in Anchorage – I must say that I am less than enthusiastic about waking up every morning at 6:00 only to go work out at the gym while still asleep, and then go to the studio where I am literally just wingin’ it. It’s a cool concept, but I’ve never been one for routines. I’m not 90 years old yet. I’ve got a lifetime of irresponsibility and hazardous spontaneity ahead of me. Yes, it’s great that I get to do what I love for the summer – which is writing, editing video, drinking tea, auditioning people, and dicking around on the internet – but just know that this is the reason why my posts have been slow. Though I am now a part of the corporate world (kind of.), I have still been paying lots of attention to my first love, Pop Culture. Let’s take a look at the things that were fascinating, annoying, and downright awkward in the month of June 2010. Hey, Ho, Let’s GO!

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Mmmm Spankorage, Alaska. Let me just start off by saying that today was the best Saturday ever. Yes, I woke up at the ass-crack of dawn for a 40 minute drive from Anchorage to Eagle River for breakfast, but it was all gravy from that point on. We’re right in the middle of the damn wilderness – practically driving into the rainforest mountainfuck of greenery that is Alaska – so it’s a beautiful drive. I hate nature – but Alaskan nature is stunning. Sure, the mosquitos are the size of birds and there is the occasional uncomfortable cool draft on a sunny day, but this place actually makes me appreciate nature. Get a load of this.  

Yeah. I'm one of the mountain people.

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First, let me start off by saying ANCHORAGE NOW HAS A TARGET, THANK BABY JESUS. I mean, as if we didn’t have everything else the rest of America has. No Sonic, no Chick-Fil-A, no Lane Bryant, no laser tag, no Chipotle (I know, seriously), no Pei Wei, no P.F. Chang’s, no Dillards, no theme parks, no Hollister (not that anyone gives a tit, because their clothes look ridiculous) – just name it and we probably don’t have one. We barely just got a Dairy Queen. Alaska gets all the leftovers from the commerical world, and all I’m thinking is, “Hey listen up, fuckers, we have a lot of your oil supply – so if we don’t get a goddamn Sonic up in here, we’re cutting you off.

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Dear Everyone,
I’ve had something of a ‘bitter streak’ for the past three years or so towards Alaska. A few unpleasant situations may have poisoned my opinion of the famous 49th state, and it took me quite a bit of time to actually want to return for the summer after my second year of college. Time has passed and I may or may not have aided a general blackout by consuming copious amounts of college party juice, so there are no more hard feelings, for I do not remember them. I say this loudly and proudly – I actually really love this place! YES, the state population may be a grand total of a mere few hundred thousand, and YES about 75% of that number is moose alone… YES it’s cold, and YES we all might be vampires… but this place is pretty freakin’ awesome. It makes me unique. It makes strangers from other states judge me – and maybe I like that. But that is besides the point. Below I have compiled a little slideshow of a few things that make me love my homeland. I even included cute little captions for you ungrateful bastards. Enjoy.
Ferociously,
Kendrus – your formerly-bitter-about-Alaska-but-still-bitter-about-everything-else Alaskan friend (more…)