I finally see the light. I now understand what every bitter Jewish grandma said to me as a little girl: “TV ROTS YOUR BRAIN. That’s the one big truth in life. Don’t ever watch it, it’s GARBAGE! Now get me a butterscotch candy from my purse. Never mind, you’re gaining weight. How will you find a husband?!”
…Maybe that last part, I don’t think I’ll ever understand (mind you, I was only 7 years old – she was already whoring me out like a Yente). But I really believe those old ladies when it comes to television. It’s not just a generation gap. These days, TV fucking sucks. It’s all rotten garbage that’s causing brain decay.
Let’s cut the shit with ‘Jersey Shore’ – if there’s any career I want to see go up in a ball of flames (besides that of Miley Cyrus and Elizabeth Hasselbeck from The View), it really has to be the career of every single brown person on the “why is this even a show” MTV filler program, Jersey Shore. If I subject myself to watching an entire episode, afterwards I literally feel like a lobotomy patient that needs to be spoon-fed applesauce. This ‘MTV Real World/back-alley Italian neighborhood/Taxi Cab Confessions’ hybrid show is nothing but a big embarrassment to the TV entertainment industry. Not only are we telling our kids that it’s okay to take steroids, tan themselves to cancer, and wear Ed Hardy – but we’re also putting cash in these losers’ skin-tight pockets.