I finally see the light. I now understand what every bitter Jewish grandma said to me as a little girl: “TV ROTS YOUR BRAIN. That’s the one big truth in life. Don’t ever watch it, it’s GARBAGE! Now get me a butterscotch candy from my purse. Never mind, you’re gaining weight. How will you find a husband?!”


…Maybe that last part, I don’t think I’ll ever understand (mind you, I was only 7 years old – she was already whoring me out like a Yente). But I really believe those old ladies when it comes to television. It’s not just a generation gap. These days, TV fucking sucks. It’s all rotten garbage that’s causing brain decay.

Let’s cut the shit with ‘Jersey Shore’ – if there’s any career I want to see go up in a ball of flames (besides that of Miley Cyrus and Elizabeth Hasselbeck from The View), it really has to be the career of every single brown person on the “why is this even a show” MTV filler program, Jersey Shore. If I subject myself to watching an entire episode, afterwards I literally feel like a lobotomy patient that needs to be spoon-fed applesauce. This ‘MTV Real World/back-alley Italian neighborhood/Taxi Cab Confessions’ hybrid show is nothing but a big embarrassment to the TV entertainment industry. Not only are we telling our kids that it’s okay to take steroids, tan themselves to cancer, and wear Ed Hardy – but we’re also putting cash in these losers’ skin-tight pockets.

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Salut to all my dear Gleeks and Glee haters (gtfo) alike! Last night was a glorious one, and not just because I slept with all of your mothers – but because the Season 1 finale of FOX’s Glee was more exciting, emotional, and stressful than a menopausal blind woman juggling butcher knives. The only reason I wasn’t on the edge of my seat is because I ate my chair in a fit of emotional distress. (Note: Stress eating kills, ladies and gents.)

We really need to talk, and yes, I’m breaking up with all of you. But first, let’s dissect our Gleemotional Final Episode. These are the 10 things that made this ‘Journey’ finale so awesome and ridiculous:

1. From the get-go, we fly right into Will Schuester/Sue Sylvester conflict after we learn Sue is a judge at Regionals. Mr. Schu goes whining to the annoying, worthless principal while Sue sits back, watches the action, and takes a jab at Will’s hair yet again.

“I have to be honest, Will. I’m having a really difficult time hearing anything you have to say today because… your hair looks like a briar patch. I keep expecting racist animated Disney characters to pop up and start singing songs about living on the Bayou.” – HYSTERICAL.

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Hey guys, sorry I haven’t posted anything as of late. I’ve had a bunch of job and internship interviews for the past two days, so I’ve been swamped – but be proud of me that my summer is actually picking up! I am proud to say that I’m now an intern at BuzzBizz Studios, and I’m really excited to work in the production field – gotta start the dream somewhere, right? Aside from rushing around for work, I’ve been traveling a lot here in the AK. Things should get back down to a reasonable pace soon enough, and I have a few reviews and commentaries coming up, as well as my second chapter for “Mondiale”.

Something else important: THE GLEE FINALE IS TONIGHT. Due to this colossally important event, I am promising to do three things.

1. Pee my pants.
2. Cry for days after it’s over.
3. Write a commentary. So look for it within the next day.

*sigh* Aren’t they just precious… but HEY, where the hell is Santana? She’s too hot to not be in the picture. Reshoot.

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Mmmm Spankorage, Alaska. Let me just start off by saying that today was the best Saturday ever. Yes, I woke up at the ass-crack of dawn for a 40 minute drive from Anchorage to Eagle River for breakfast, but it was all gravy from that point on. We’re right in the middle of the damn wilderness – practically driving into the rainforest mountainfuck of greenery that is Alaska – so it’s a beautiful drive. I hate nature – but Alaskan nature is stunning. Sure, the mosquitos are the size of birds and there is the occasional uncomfortable cool draft on a sunny day, but this place actually makes me appreciate nature. Get a load of this.  

Yeah. I'm one of the mountain people.

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Ra ra ra ah ahhh. Ro ma ro ma maaa. Gaga Ooh la laaa. I haven’t really been in the mood to edit and publish the next chapters of my written series, “Mondiale,” and frankly, it’s because the weather in Alaska has been way too nice. I can’t shut myself off to reality to write another commentary, much less a story, when there is 19 hours of pure sunshine outside, SO! Now that it is nighttime, and it’s kind of muggy out, I’ll throw together a list of cool things. It’s worth looking at and you’ll hopefully appreciate some of the content. If you don’t, GTFO of your house and go do something. Seize your summer! Go build a house for some kids in Guatemala. Go geocaching in Beverly Hills (and by geocaching, I mean break into Orlando Bloom’s house. The kid looks bored, give him something to worry about.) Go start a lemonade stand on the busiest intersection of your city (hilarious). Go ice-blocking on a nearby steep hill. Go snort coke out of a stripper’s cleavage. Go do SOMETHING better than sitting at home. I will be doing all of these things the second I log off, because I’m a Cap’n. And Cap’ns don’t have Summer Break – Summer Break has Cap’n. 

All aboard the ROFL TRAIN.

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It’s an ugly day in Anchorage, people. Rainy, windy, frigid, and muggy weather – my favorite kind, of course – makes for a day of writing! There is a lot on my mind about the alternate universe of the rich and famous, so naturally, you know I’m going to talk about it. Hollywood celebs are dropping faster than Linday Lohan’s pants, these days. Cory Haim, Gary Coleman, Dennis Hopper… and now another Golden Girl? Rue McClanahan got herself a pretty ticket to the Pearly Gates today, bless the woman’s heart – but now 3 of 4 of the Golden Girls are dead. Let me say this now, just to get it out there: I will knock the Grim Reaper right on his ass if he goes anywhere near my Betty White. I will snipe him out in the blink of an eye, then Kendrus will be the famous shadowy hooded figure that people see before they die. Don’t look at her, Mr. Reaper. Don’t even think about her. 

So wonderful.

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I came across this excellent piece called “The Congo in Color” – it’s so artistic, brave, and haunting how Richard Mosse uses art and politics to create a stunning message. Everybody check it out! This is fantastic work! I’ll be posting a commentary later today – so keep a lookout.

Happy Wednesday,

The Congo in Color Richard Mosse, an Irish photographer, was interviewed by The New Yorker recently on his strange yet beautiful photo project in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. While in the Eastern provinces, Mosse used an obscure film called Aerocrome to cast the country in a dazzling red-hued array of colors. The photo technique puts the militarized region in an unexpected light. The result is a softer, almost fantastical touch to a place that has been cha … Read More

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