Musings of an Offbeat 6 Year Old

Posted: June 3, 2011 in Uncategorized

I don’t know if this is clearly presumed based on how I am now, but I was a fucking weird kid. I grew too fast and was always bigger and taller than my friends, I wore these thick coke-bottle glasses that took up half my face (Thanks, Mom), I did the robot when I didn’t know the answers to questions, my brain moved too fast to handle, and I talked like a cartoon character. I was always well known, but seldom tolerated by kids my age and sometimes picked on because, as told by my mother, “Honey, they just don’t get you. I don’t think many adults get you, either.”

Harry Potter glasses? Check. Tweety Bird shirt? Check. Condescending grin? Check.

Little Kendra was just odd. (She still totally is, only now she drinks Svedka instead of Capri Suns.)

I started reading and writing at an abnormally early age and would write stories phonetically, then I’d bind them into “books” to sell to my family. One of my stories was about a “carrot top boy named Brian” who had a dog named Buster who drank milk and could communicate with humans. Brian was a secret agent who killed Chinese spies (but they had Mexican names?). Brian was also “light on the loafers” – which is obviously a term I had overheard at my young age, but had no earthly idea that it was a euphemistic way of saying “faggot.” My mother kept this book and showed it to all our relatives, which only added to the pile of evidence that I was an undeniably strange small-human.

I got my first journal when I was six years old, and I wrote in it every other day (given some periods of hiatus) until it was full. I decided it would be a great idea to transcribe one of my journal entries. Some people would say this is exploiting my childhood feelings, but after reading through that shitshow of a journal, I don’t think I had real feelings. My mind was all over the place, I was the biggest dork on the face of the Earth, and I had some comical moments that I’m willing to share. So… here you go, world. For shits and giggles, welcome to my young brain.

Yep, that smiley heart will keep intruders out.

Dear Journal,

My name is Kendra. I am 6 years old. I live with Mom Dad and 1 Sister but she hates me. I live in Pearland, Texas. It is so hot here I sure do hate it!! My birthday is January 18. I think January birthdays are swell. My best nonhuman friend is my dog Tory. She has long white hair and sometimes I accidently think she is a white pillow oops! I wish she was my sister and not Kristen. Tory wouldn’t blare Smashing Pumpkins at 7 in the morning!! Billy Corgan sounds like he has a cold. Someone should give him kleeeeeeeenexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I wonder what music dogs like. SNOOP DOGGY DOG that is very funny. Doncha think? Anyways I hate humans but I have a best human friend: Alex. He made me learn basket ball and now I’m better than he is! I think I want to be a basket ball player. Oh and there’s Josh but Alex I have a secret crush on. But I think he knows. But that is the point of marriage I think because if you have a crush on your husband (woweeee!!!) then you are married. I think so. I will ask mom.

This is wiiiieeerrrddd I don’t know what to do with you Journal! Do I just tell you stuff?

Today I saw fliers in the hall for presidents. I wonder who will win! But I don’t care because I don’t know what a president does. Maybe they give candy to everyone and make sure the halls are monitered! Maybe I should be president. Of the world. My teacher is Mrs. Landry and she is a B word. She has eyelashes that are spiders. Not real ones. They just look like spiders when she blinks her eyes she is very scary. At recess she pulled me real hard by my arm and she yelled at me because I tryed to pretend I read the pirate book we had for reading group but I didn’t. So I made things up and she was very angry. I hate reading! It is stupid and pointless. I thot the book would have skwocking parrits and those red scarf things the pirates wear and those black eye coverers so I talked about that. I got cought! She yelled at me in front of my friends!!! I tryed not to laugh at her because spit was flying out of her mouth when she yelled. I hate schooooooool why do I do it??? First grade is hard. I want to go live in France. I had a banana for snack.

Her eyes do kinda look like spiders... You be the judge.


I’m so worried that I’m gonna get bad grades. If I do, I wont have any privilages! Like basket ball. I love it but if I don’t shape up, I AM DONE FOR!!! I hope I don’t lose you Journal that would be so sad I would cry so many times and every day. MOM IF YOU ARE READING THIS PLEEEEASE DONT TAKE JOURNAL AWAY AND THEN STOP READING THIS. Now I know “No work is bad work, and bad work is hard work.” I am going to create a super hero named Wacky Woman and the secret is that it is ME! But you have to keep the secret! I hate secrets. I think my dog thinks I am a cat because she chases me. I am getting a new poster of Ginger Spice she is soooooo pretty I go crazy when I see her in her dresses!!!

Your friend – Kendra!


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