My Letter to Westboro Baptist Church

Posted: March 25, 2010 in Commentary

Dear Westboro Baptist Church,

I really want you to think about how much you love your children; think about how wonderful and genuine they are, what great opportunities lie ahead of them, and how you would do absolutely anything to ensure their happiness and their safety. Think about how much your children light up your lives. Do you have a pretty good mental image so far? That’s great.

Reflection Lesson #1: Now, as difficult as I’d image it would be for you to actually practice compassion of any kind, I would still like you to test this scenario: try and imagine your child being harassed, bullied, rejected, teased, hurt, and threatened – all because of their different eye color. Everybody hates your son or daughter for being so ‘strange’ and ‘evil’. Really imagine your child completely devastated, broken, and unhappy. What lengths would you go to in order to love your child, give them encouraging strength, and see them happy? How ugly would it make you feel if a group of scary, belligerent adults terrorized and berated your kid? Or wanted to take your child’s rights away? Or if your kid was beaten to death, and these people said he or she deserved it and was rotting in hell? I’d truly love to know how you would feel if any and all of these things were to happen to you and your family. I’d be delighted to see how you’d handle that.

Let’s look back on some fond memories… I remember hearing your church was bombed in 1995 along with a house that belonged to Shirley Phelps-Roper (your fearless leader’s daughter), and I am utterly astounded that Ms. Phelps-Roper had the audacity to say this in a news report:

Phelps-Roper said she had just put her 4-day-old baby to bed when the bomb exploded. Her seven other children weren’t awakened from their sleep in another portion of the house.

“Fortunately, it didn’t hurt anybody. I just wonder if that person knew there were eight little children in the house,” she said, “or whether it would matter to a person who would do something like that.”

Well… who cares about your eight little children? Why should anyone be concerned about what happens to them? Chances are, if they ever do get hurt one of these days, they deserve it. Hopefully, they’ll die. I hate them. My God hates them. We should all hate your children. I mean, they’re the spawn of evil, as far as I’m concerned. Nobody likes ‘fag haters’ (or more commonly known as ‘ignorant, heartless, unevolved jerks’, but we can leave jargon alone for now). I’m sure many people in this country would agree with me, which means this is the righteous truth. Your children are evil and will rot in hell when they (hopefully) get murdered by some truth-speakers. And if you dare hold a funeral for those pathetic souls that were once your sinful children, you can count on us being there. We will be shouting wonderful things while your pitiful ceremony is going on, such as “YOUR BABIES ARE ROTTING IN HELL”, “GOD KILLED YOUR UGLY BABY”, and perhaps we’ll have a sign or two (or six hundred) with loving messages like “YOUR KIDS WERE DOUCHEBAGS” and “THANK GOD YOUR CHILD GOT BLUDGEONED TO DEATH” – just to make sure everybody gets the message. You will eat your children. No… better yet, we will feast upon them. Pass the salt – but bless it, first.

Reflection Lesson #2: Now, about the above paragraph… doesn’t that sound like the most ridiculous, psychotic thing you’ve ever heard? Anybody who could truthfully say that to anybody else is a certified lunatic, on so many levels basic and complex. Sad but true – this is almost exactly the horror speech you give to families of murdered homosexuals. You’ve paraded through funerals, you’ve preyed on mourning mothers, you’ve made nasty signs and said mean-spirited things about innocent children that have been murdered for being who they are. It’s absolutely bone-chilling to think that anybody could ever say that about another human being, much less a child.

As horrendous as I find your methods, as much as I’d love to see people like yourselves feel the wrath of moral justice, and despite the absolute tragic fact that your children are being raised in such a hateful, vicious environment and will probably turn out to be equally as appalling as their parents, I can honestly say with my whole heart that I would never want anything bad to happen to your kids. Nothing proves a valid reason for any child to be tortured, harassed, or murdered. I truly hope none of you ever have to experience the agony of losing a child, much less the misery of knowing that there are people cruel enough in this world to celebrate their death and rub your face in something that is said to be the most irreparable, devastating loss of all time.

Shameful, brutal, and ungodly don’t even begin to describe the pain you have caused so many people in this world. If this is your God’s mission for you – to judge other people, to hurt them, and ensure that they are absolutely tortured – then I think you have been tricked by some force of evil far beyond your intelligence and intuition. You have been wrongly convinced of who this “God” really is.

You want a moral argument? Just think about your children. Then think about eating them. Then think about how absurd you are. Your church has been so adamant on posing this ‘homosexuality issue’ as the ultimate moral argument, regardless of the fact that it has nothing to do with morality. At the end of the day, it’s a matter of taste, tolerance, and fear. I think it’s fair to say that your followers have taste that is only bitter, you all possess the tolerance of a twelve year old girl with a bottle of Vodka, and – quite possibly the saddest truth of them all – you are afraid of anything that is different. With this trifecta, the future looks quite bleak for you. Godspeed… though I shudder to think how you interpret that.

Kendra – lovely lesbian nomming on your babies since 1990.

Delicate little wallflowers, aren’t you?

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